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How To Save Your Marriage

What The Experts Are Forgetting To Tell You

How to save your marriage: it’s the topic of dozens if not hundreds of
self-help books, yet divorce seems to be as “popular” as ever? It’s not
necessarily because the advice in those books is bunk, either. Usually
it’s because, no matter how much good advice you get, there are some
things about your approach to your marriage that need to change before you
can even take advantage of those tips.

Rule out divorce!

If you’ve been talking about divorce, but neither of you really want it,
banish all talk of it from your conversations. It’s not an option, so why
are you even mentioning it? Some people tend to use the d-word as a
threat, even though they never plan to carry through. The problem with
that is the more often you bring up the subject, the more likely it is to
become a reality.

Remember respect!

Can you remember your first few dates, when you hardly knew each other and
were nervous just to be around each other? You said “please” and “thank
you” and if any disagreements came up you patiently and politely resolved
them? You don’t have to fall in love all over again (at least, not right
this minute), but if you want to find out how to save your marriage, at
least try to get back to that level of respect with each other.

Accept that your spouse is imperfect!

When you’re newlyweds, it’s easy to ignore those annoying little habits
your partner might have like leaving clothes on the floor or forgetting to
fill the gas tank. After a few years living together, though, the
irritation builds up and you start to wish your spouse would just stop it
already. The next time your spouse does something that irritates you,
consider whether it’s really all that serious. If not, let it go.

Stop criticizing!

Even if you’ve managed to accomplish the goal above, this one’s easier
said than done. Once you’ve fallen into the habit, it takes some effort to
stop, but try to avoid verbally attacking your spouse for doing something
you don’t like. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let them know when
something they do bothers you, but doing so in a non-judgmental way can
make life a lot easier.

Learn about the opposite gender!

No, sitting in the park and watching them walk by doesn’t count. I mean
taking an open-minded approach to understanding the way the opposite
gender typically approaches intimate relationships. You may think because
you’ve been around them all your life you know them. But you might be
surprised how what you learn can help you discover how to save your
marriage. And if do you learn something that surprises you, don’t take
some book’s word for it. Ask your spouse if that’s how they feel, too, and
you just may hit a major revelation.

Figuring out how to save a marriage doesn’t have to be complicated, but
you can’t rely on the free information you find on the Internet. Even
self-help books written by professional marriage counselors leave out some
of the fundamentals, so as you try to mend your marriage, make sure you
start with a good foundation.